Ticking clock

Now that we've decided on surgery and set a date, we are just waiting, trying to carry on with our lives as usual. But the clock is ticking, sometimes quite loudly, and I catch myself counting down the weeks. I've been holding Kai more tightly, look in upon him while he is sleeping more often and have become more vigilant about his health. I've noticed that he has a harder time keeping up with his peers and more frequently complains of "tired legs." Hopefully he'll be able to run and play again with abandon once the blood flow to his lower body is adjusted. I wonder how much more active a boy he would now be if everything were normal. Will the operation change him, his sense of self and his body? They say that the younger children bounce back more quickly from surgery and that their self-identity is less defined by the disease than for adolescents.

The son of an acquaintance had to have heart surgery when he was 11 months old. He had a hole in his heart. Before the surgery, he hardly ever smiled. When he had healed from the operation, he began smiling. That is a very moving story to me--to finally be able to feel less pain, move and breathe as self-evidently as his peers. I wonder how much Kai's quality of life will improve. He is such a joyful child, but perhaps he will blossom even more once the blood flows as it should.

I have also heard incredible success stories of life after childhood heart surgery. My colleague's sister was one of the first children, if not the first, to have a heart operation at the University of Michigan in 1960. Now, 60 years later, she is an extremely active, strong-willed athlete who has disproved the doctor's prognoses.